Putting together the guest list for a wedding is one of the hardest wedding-planning tasks. It forces you to really assess and categorize people because, after all, every person you invite uses up a ceremony seat and some of the budget and, therefore, limits who else you can invite.

First, there is family. Uncles, aunts, cousins, step-relations, second cousins. People you called "aunty" as a child but who are not really family. Godparents who you know better than family and who feel like family. In reality, family usually take the lion's share of the guest list, even though you may not see many of them regularly and, if it's anything like most families, many of them may not be speaking or have ever seen eye-to-eye. Protocol rules on this one, however, and it is usually necessary to send all (or nearly all) of them invitations.

Secondly, your parents' and in-laws' friends. This will be a mixed bunch, many of whom you haven't seen since you were young, but receive regular updates about, most frequently about their children (your contemporaries, who you are mostly pointlessly friends with on Facebook) and their offspring. The best way to manage a spiralling ageing population on your guest list is to give each set of parents a fixed number of guests that they can invite. Be realistic and a little generous -- it is a special day for them too (and they may be footing a large share of the bill).

Thirdly, your friends. There will be your own friends, your other half's friends, and your joint friends (with a hefty amount of overlap depending upon how long you have been together). This category also includes the best man, ushers and bridesmaids. Your friends should take up a substantial amount of the guest list because, after all, it is your wedding and the majority of the day is a party that, naturally, you'd like to share with your friends. Draw up an ideal list, and then a reserve list. Invite people from the reserve list as and when refusals come in, but send out replacement invitations promptly so they are none the wiser that they didn't make the first cut.

Lastly, the other halves. The boyfriends, girlfriends and fiancé(e)s that you don't know very well or haven't even met -- the real strangers. Don't feel obliged to include a "plus one" for everyone, but there are some rules. Always invite both halves of couples who are in a long-term, established relationship, or who are living together, or who are engaged (it is good form to take the time to find out their names so you avoid writing "and guest" on the invitations).

If, however, your friend wants to bring along their latest boyfriend/girlfriend/pull of the moment, then you are within your rights to say no. Explain the situation and they should understand. One way of compromising is to invite their "plus one" to come along for the evening, after the meal and speeches.

Don't forget, too, that it is considered the height of rudeness for a guest to ask for a "plus one" or to assume that a partner is invited...