Don’t get me wrong, I love Destiny’s Child just as much as the next gal, but I think it’s all a load of crap.

Yeah, me, an Alpha Female!

The Independent Woman Indoctrination

I come from a long line of very strong, proud, independent women. The blood of suffragettes rages through our veins. Our mantra is, “I can do it myself. I don’t need a man.” It’s a story that’s been passed on from generation to generation. At this point, it’s damn near mythological.

Grams cultivated this “independent spirit” in me as I grew. No man would be needed here. Or anyone else for that matter. When the day finally came that I opted to stand on my own feet – by getting divorced – the backpedaling began abruptly. Despite being biologically obligated to side with me, she argued my decision.

The Independent Woman Gets Divorced

She questioned me aggressively about the practical matters (ie: the stuff he and I owned) as if they trumped everything. She insisted I would regret it forever and provided ample anecdotal evidence to make her case. She said that my ex-husband was a good guy (absolutely true!) as if that was all a healthy marriage requires.

She implied that I was not going to find better. Then she wrapped it all up with the statement that “All men are children, they never grow up.”

Why bother expecting to find a better man, or a better life for that matter?

That was when it hit me: This tough, fierce, “independent woman” claim runs about as deep as plate full of milk. It’s complete farce! When it came down to it, she was terrified for me. She could not see how I could survive without a man and would rather encourage me to settle than to trust in my ability to be independent.

The Mythology Crumbles

Since then, I have come to know every woman in my family in a new light. We are all stoic and thick-skinned until our pride is dinged and then boy do we rage. One nice boyish smile can leave us each incapacitated. We buckle regularly from the stress of attempting to be an indomitable, superhuman force.

It would seem, at least in my family, that the independent women are just the most delicate kind of women working to mask their vulnerability.

I’ve never seen a group of woman more willing to throw literally everything away for love. It makes us a bunch of flaming hypocrites but sometimes hypocrisy feels good. Like a cookie dough blizzard after an intense workout.

We need a man (sort of)

Yes, we women can take care of our own financial needs. Yes, we can have amazingly rich lives without a significant other. Yes, it is better to be alone than unhappily attached. But total independence? Hardly.

As I scraped the bottom of my darkest parts last spring, I finally hung my head and gave in. I really did need people. Fight it as I did, I needed help. I needed love. I needed a comforting place to rest my head. I had never needed like this before. It scared the crap out of me. Ever since then, every new relationship has meant breaking this wall down a little bit more and becoming a bit more vulnerable.

Try as we might to hide in our technological cocoons, we all really do need each other. Women need men. Men need women. (Some men need men and some women need women) Friends need each other. Bosses need employees. Babies need mothers. And Grams needs someone to nag and worry about (cough cough.) It’s a beautiful cycle.

 

A few weeks ago, that same grandma was talking about some things that need work around her house when she suddenly shouted from the next room: “It’s too bad we don’t have a man around the house to do that.”

I just smiled and shook my head. We do need a man. I’m ok with it.

About Author 

Alicia Rees is featured publisher of Loveawake.com dating site. She works with single women across USA, UK, Australia, Canada who feel like life is passing them by and helps them to get clear on what they really want and finally make their dreams happen. Through her tips and advices, Alicia helps her clients simplify the process of taking back their power and create an extraordinary life.