photography by Ryan Joseph

How could 18 years of marriage feel like the blink of an eye? Three six-year periods seems like nothing. We all know how fast six years can pass and yet for a teenager that is high school and the majority of middle school.

In those terms, it's an eternity.

These 18 years of marriage, however, are measured in Sunday morning pancakes, piano sonatas, birthday parties, graduations of every kind including kindergarten rainbow bridge ceremonies and memorable "when are we gonna get there" family trips.

They include moments of understanding where two souls have met in indescribable places in which poignant eternity and vulnerable connection intersect.

They encompass births that happened right upstairs and more deaths, both literal and figurative than we care to speak of.

Time has slipped through our fingers while standing still for us to become who we are meant to be.

We have cried buckets of tears and laughed our heads off.

We have been there in sickness and in health, for richer and for poorer, through unfounded fears, for better and for way worse than I could have ever expected.

It has even come down to dumping piles of raked leaves on the kitchen floor, hanging up on each other from time to time and plenty of walking out in self righteous huffs.

It took ten years of being together to not be together and to admit, with backs to the wall, our own silly part in the deal: that we are not here to fix anyone else or wait for them to rise to their potential. We aren't together to hope that the other will change or eventually "get it."

We aren't together to blame each other for our own lack of boundaries, our gashed expectations or our lingering self pity.

With each year, we realize better ways to communicate our own needs without fear of losing the magic. We realize the importance of our own independent struggle and respect that.

We have learned to own our part in the matter (for the most part) and we don't take every little thing seriously or God forbid, personally.

We know that through our individual transformation, we affect each other in the most positive ways. We stand as unique pillars of strength that bear the weight of our collective burden.

We are mirrors for each other in ways we can hardly stand or even don't, but we know in our heart of hearts, it is true.

We have realized the importance of expressing our gratitude and acknowledging in little everyday ways each other's hopes and joys.

We have come to recognize what it takes to support and to sacrifice without throwing the baby out with the bathwater and resenting it til the cows come home.

We have learned to forgive and to accept and so... we have learned to love, not just pretend love... real love.

What a treasure to share... what a miracle to behold!

I would love to hear how your marriage is going!