This weekend was the kickoff of the 2016 season of our Lovesick Expo, and it started with a bang (and a gag!) in New York on Saturday, and then Philadelphia on Sunday. I flew out for both shows, and over the course of the two days, met almost 800 people including some faaaabulous Offbeat Bride readers. I also learned a few things that I want to share...

When a sword swallower pulls a sword out of his gut, it is covered with something called "Stomach Boogers"

At the NY show, a sword swallower named Ray Valenz did a show for us all... and when he pulled the swords out they were kind of goopy (EW!) and he was like "oh, stomach boogers!" and we were all HORK! But then we applauded.

Some readers will ride trains for two hours to come say hello

Offbeat Bride readers are pretty much THE FUCKING BEST. I got to meet couples who'd traveled hours on trains, see skull rings, ogle Doctor Who corsets, gossip about groom gear with guys, and hug so many people and smell their yummy hair smells.

Meeting readers at Lovesick Expos really is the best part of my whole year. I can't even tell you. You guys are fucking amazing.

When my developer Kellbot and I pose with her week-old baby, we look like the most mismatched lesbian couple with our sperm donor baby

Kellbot, the web developer who keeps this here website up 'n' running smoothly, had a baby a week ago! Very exciting stuff, and she and her husband bundled up the baby and their older daughter to come to the Philly Expo and say hello! Of course then we hit up a photo booth (because it's a wedding expo, so of course we will hit up a !) and the resulting photo cracks me up.

Some vendors will let you kiss their boobs

This is Sarah Acconcia Baltimore chef/CEO of Wild Thyme Event Studio. She was at the Philly show and her boobs were amazing, and so she let me kiss one. This kind of thing just doesn't happen at typical bridal fair... WHICH IS THEIR LOSS! Boobs are awesome.

TSA scanners can't see through sequins

I went straight from the Philadelphia expo to the airport to fly home to Seattle, and was just the right mix of rushed for my flight and "Zero Fucks to Give" that I opted not to change out of my J. Von Stratton floor-length gold sequined gown until I got to the gate.

This resulted in a free upgrade to premium seating (thanks, Alaska Airlines!), a very amusing 20 minutes waiting in line at security, and then the biggest lesson of the weekend: TSA scanners cannot see through sequins. When TSA saw me coming, they were like "Oh man, you're going to light up like a Christmas tree," and when I saw the body scan... yep. Exactly that.

Apparently this is a known thing for TSA: sequins reflect the scanners. If you have a few sequins on your shirt, it looks like polka dots. If you're wearing neck to floor sequins, you are essentially a glowing security hazard and so you get a mandatory pat down.

So there I was, barefoot in a gold sequined mermaid gown, getting the full pat down from a TSA agent who was cracking up the whole time, even as she's telling me how she's going to use the back of her hand to pat down my gold sequined butt crack.

I laughed with her through the entire thing, because why not? I'd spent a weekend meeting some of NY and Philly's most amazing wedding vendors and hugging hundreds of readers... it was all pretty hilarious.

And I'm doing it all again this weekend in Boston!

And then Atlanta. And then Seattle. And the LA and Denver. And then San Francisco! Please come meet me at one of the shows. I promise you will also meet dozens of awesome vendors, be entertained by burlesque dancers and circus freaks, have some drinks if you want them, and have a great time.

I think there are few discounted tickets to use with coupon code OFFBEAT2016, even?