How Will You Finish?

It goes without saying that my favorite photos to take at a wedding are these “posed candids” where I take the bride & groom to a beautiful location, pose them romantically, and create this surreal shot which iconifies their wedding and blossoming marriage. Perhaps it’ll be blown up, on canvas and framed in their new home, right when you walk inside, so everyone knows exactly what kind of marriage they have. But those of us who are or were married know that no marriage or relationship is like this shot. There are struggles of all kinds, most of which you never know or expect, and don’t’ know how to deal with. Now how about getting a photo depicting that and having it framed? Of course not. We want to show beauty, romance & happiness. It seems like marriage is like a reverse bell curve. It starts out high, then dips low, lower, and then after a while, if you survive, things get sorted out and hopefully it ends on a very high note. At that point that couple can sit back and reflect on all those little squabbles, financial issues, health emergencies, disagreements, and just laugh. What is really important? I often tell people that someday I wish to have the attitude of the elderly. You know the kind: at least 80. Kind. Quiet. Humble. And nothing really bothers them. They don’t get too upset about anything even if their health is failing, friends/family are passing away, money is an issue. None of that really matters. They see their grandkids, and they’re on top of the world. They eat a piece of coffee cake, and they smile. They stare at the phone hoping one of their kids call just to say hi. Perhaps they help their elderly spouse out of the dining room outside to the porch, holding hands, drinking lemonade with their grandkids playing around in their front yard on a weekend visit. And if they die the next day, at least they know they’ve survived the ups & downs and ended up with each other. Everything else in life is really insignificant. It’s not how you start, it’s how you finish. Some of us will be unfortunate and won't have the opportunity to finish what we started due to tragedy. While others will end up finishing with someone else. Regardless of all that rant, I still want to give couples a shot like this which encourages them to know that endless love is always an option. I can only capture the beginning of the marriage; it’s up to them how they want to finish it.