Wedding - Stone Fox Bride

Stone Fox Bride

Late last night, I was planning out today. First thing I had to do was meet my ex-husband to review childcare. Yesterday was the first day of my period, and the first day of my period is always a dreadful day. I feel like I have a psychedelic mushroom hangover, and like my organs are made of hot rocks. So I wanted to email my ex and say: "can we reschedule? I'm feeling fragile," and then I told myself, "what kind of idiot are you. too fragile to review the childcare calendar. buck the fuck up" but the first day of the period made it hard. It was the 1st of my period on 9/11. It was the first day of my period my first day in Mumbai and Suketu Mehta had arranged for me to have an all-night tour of the city that I could barely enjoy because I was tripping my fucking face off on my period. Last night I was thinking about all the things I get to do because of my period: have babies and breasts and empathy, and I was remembering in 7th grade, when my Dad was driving me to camp, and I was bleeding through my shorts all over his car, too embarrassed to tell him, so I spent the day covered in blood. I was remembering returning to work 3 weeks after my 2nd baby for a photo shoot, and having to pump in a tiny room, and the Production Guy screaming out "are you done yet" and me calling back "So Sorry! Just need a few more minutes!" and feeling like a leaky fat ugly cow inconveniencing everyone. I was remembering when my marriage was falling apart writing on my to-do list: "research boob job" and thinking that was the problem, that my breasts were broken from the babies and they needed to be put back together, like Humpty Dumpy before he fell off the wall. I was thinking about how when I have my period I wake up with zits and its hard to act + feel "pretty" and I was imagining a room of men laughing and saying "is she on the rag" and why when you're sad it's sadness but when you're mad it's madness and madness means you're out of your mind but you're not. You're in your mind more than ever, you're just in your mind, and you're mad. Then I woke up and I had to cancel the meeting w/my ex because of a migraine. #stonefoxride #stonefoxmama pic by @daviddiniscophotography

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